SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   thehauserfamily
   Member

   Our oldest is 7. We do not allow him in others houses, just outside in the field in front of the house.  All the houses face the field and most of the kids are the same age as him.  We use to allow him in some houses, but since he watched a movie there he is no longer allowed.  He is not willing to speak up and say I cannot watch that please turn it or just say he has to go home, so we feel he is not old enough to play at others houses in that case.  We do allow the neighbor kids at our house, but they are sent home if they do not follow our rules.

   We do use a wooden spoon.  I try very hard not to ever use my hand. There do come times when it is necessary though.  I just wasn't sure if I was misunderstanding what she was saying.   She does say specifically the hand, but I am not of this opinion. Hubby and I agree that hands are for loving.

   I may have overstated the "at all" part of my husband not helping.  He has given a spanken here or there. He just so easily raises his voice and threatens the spanking instead of just doing it (which I consider the opposite of help).  He does feel that there should be much less for him to do as he is tired after a long day and that if I have been doing my part all day they would be more obedient. No matter how gently I try to encourge him to help it hasn't worked. I should just make it a bigger priority in my prayer life is what it is!! 

   I will not say I don't ever raise my voice, but today I tried very not to raise my voice and to even lower my voice when correcting the children. I think it worked because he (hubby) did not raise his voice 1 time!!  Also I gave the babies a large snack right before I made dinner and they were not fussy at all.  That helped a lot.  No one wants to be greated by fussy babies and a busy wife. Plus once the babies get fussy the rest tend to follow.  It was probably the most calm dinner prep has been for 11.5 months!

   We talked through a lot of the Pearls book together, but since then he has not been interested.  (quite a long time ago) We did not agree with much of the techniques used by them, but we still gained valuable information from them.  I just "wish" I had this book years ago!

   Anyhow thanks for the reply. I will keep reading. I too love the tomato staking and though I did it with the younger 3 already I see the value in doing it will all 5. We really had a great day and I feel encouraged to do it all again tomorrow!

   Stephanie

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
2. 

   Sara B.
   Member

   I have the same problem as you, Stephanie.  My dh comes home and just doesn't do much in the raising of the kids arena, unless it suits him at the time.  He can be an excellent father, but try as I might to get him to see his role in this parenting thing, too, it's just not his thing.  Very annoying, isn't it?  I started doing Raising Godly Tomatoes right after we moved a couple months ago.  I've been pretty consistent with my 17-mth-old, and fairly consistent with the older 3 (ages 7, 6, and nearly 4).  It has been helping.  Yet hubby doesn't see its worth, and disagrees with things that are vital.  Yet he won't read the book, nor will he read my emails I send trying to explain it as well as the book does, nor does he have time for a whole conversation about it in which I explain it verbally.  It is SO frustrating!  I try hard to let him lead and submit to his authority, but if I did that truly, we would have extremely roudy kids who are yelled at constantly all day long.  One of us has to be the parent, right???

   He has even said to me that I should go out sometime alone and he'd watch the kids.  But he HATES watching the kids, especially the baby.  I know that, he knows that, we both know that.  I am perfectly fine not going out very often, if at all.  My place is here, and that is fine with me.  But I do wish he'd be more consistent in what he wants from me.  It almost seems like if it's not the way it was done how he was growing up (and he turned out just fine, right?), then it's not right or normal or worth the time and effort, IDK.

   Yeah, I'm venting.  I'm in a sour mood this afternoon about a few things (mostly with hubby).  I really need to have another heart to heart with him, since the one we had a few nights ago obviously did not resolve a thing. 

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
3. 

   Sue
   Member

   Sara,

   The tension between husband and wife over differing parental opinions can certainly be, as you said, annoying.  It has been a great problem between my husband and me as well.  But one thing you said really stood out, and it caused me to see a real blessing in your situation.

   You said, "He has even said to me that I should go out sometime alone and he'd watch the kids.  But he HATES watching the kids, especially the baby.  I know that, he knows that, we both know that."  What I realized, as I read that, is that your husband has made a very, very sacrificial offer to you.  Simply put, he is offering to do something that he hates to do--for you, for your benefit.  Wow!  If he would follow through on that offer, what a blessing for you!

   We wives are told in Ephesians 5:22 to submit to our husbands, and in verse 33 to respect them.  Husbands, however, are told to love their wives (v. 25) as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her--the ultimate sacrifice.  For your husband to offer the sacrifice of watching the kids while you go out--that's showing you his love for you!  Perhaps this thought will help take the sting out of the annoying times of disagreement on parenting techniques....at least a little bit.

   Blessings,

   Sue M.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
4. 

   Sara B.
   Member

   I see what you mean, Sue.  But the problem is, when I do want to go out, he complains about having to watch them, and he makes a big fuss about it, and he tries to get me to plan my outing around the baby's nap times or after he goes to bed at 8pm.  So it's not all that big of a sacrifice when we get around to it....  It makes me feel like he's doing it because he feels he has to or I'll be mad at him, which isn't the case at all, I could care less if I get out of the house.  So it really makes me feel like a burden to him.    I do realize I am in a big funk right now, and that everything has a negative tilt to it.  I appreciate all the help in trying to show me the good.  I do see the good, and I even told him that last night in a reply email to him (he had emailed me with a list of stuff that makes him a "good" husband and dad).  He hasn't replied back yet, but I'm praying what I said is working on his heart.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post

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