Karen, I have and will continue in prayer for you. Have you mentioned this to your husband? I guess I should find out if he is a Believer first; if he is and you feel free to talk with him, G-d designed a supernatural covering of a husband over his family. As the priest of the home, he could anoint you with oil (if you do that), lay hands and pray over you daily and for the household; it makes a difference spiritually and you are not alone but properly covered. Many times I forget that I can turn to my husband in times like this too, to build me up provide protection in my weakness.
If he isn't, then The L-rd is your husband and covering. I second Heather's sense of your trial drawing you closer to him. May I encourage you to put on the armor of G-d? That way Satan can not steal it, like a thief in the back door. Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of G-d so that you can stand against the tactics of the Satan. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of G-d, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, 15 and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. 16 In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is G-d's word.
Seeing the pastor is wonderful. Speaking from personal experience as having struggles with not sensing His Presence, just believing by the choice of my will; please immerse yourself in The Word, asking G-d for Wisdom James 5 Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask G-d, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.
When I am struggling I have found G-d keeps His Word in that if I immerse myself in His Word, in reading and hearing because He tells us in Romans 17 So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the message about Christ. that He will take my feelings, that aren't necessarily the truth, and deal with them and me. A few verses that help me stay focused is Psalm 121:1-2:I raise my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from? 2 My help comes from the L-rd, the Maker of heaven and earth. If you respond to G-dly music that Praises HIm instead of concentrating on feelings and current events; I encourage to choose, by your will, to Praise HIm, even as you struggle, and He will provide what you need (please read Proverbs 2:1-5); the confidence in what you've been taught and He will work through this, teaching you so much more than you ever learned that you may share w/your family. Read and meditate on the Psalms especially crying out as KIng David did: Lord, do not abandon me; my G-d, do not be far from me. Hurry to help me, L-rd, my Savior. and reject and cast down fear if there may be some that is contributing to your doubt. Many times I think they go hand-in-hand. Jesus's Love for you is the only Perfect Love; ask Him to cast it out and He will; There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. Could your shaking be a physical sign of emotional torment? Another wonderful prayer for you, asked by King David in Psalm 51:10 G-d, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not banish me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.
I pray my experiences and what He has shown me will be a benefit to you; however this is a battle, but it is not new to us. I hope it will be helpful, to know you are not alone in this; remember that Eve's sin was encouraged by Satan as doubting G-d's Word and what He said; Sarah's fleshly battle of doubt was due to her 'human reason' about the reality of her age, doubting G-d's Word regarding a son. And on the flip-side of the faith battle is one of my favorite stories of the experience of Jacob in his battle with G-d and his name was changed to Israel-meaning "one who wrestles with G-d". You may be wrestling with G-d and being internally tempted by the flesh; for whatever reason this may be an area in your walk that has always been a struggle for you-so now is the time to overcome it; pray against passing this curse of doubt and fear to the next generation; having a concern for them, as was mentioned above and rightfully placed, as Satan will use this to his benefit. But now you can be like Jacob; wrestling w/G-d, demanding a Blessing! and prevailing and becoming the woman of Faith that He has foreordained for you, just as Israel became the Man of faith that he did: Genesis 24 Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When the man saw that He could not defeat him, He struck Jacob's hip as they wrestled and dislocated his hip socket. 26 Then He said to Jacoar,b, "Let Me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me." 27 "What is your name?" the man asked. "Jacob!" he replied. 28 "Your name will no longer be Jacob," He said. "It will be Israel because you have struggled with G-d and with men and have prevailed." 29 Then Jacob asked Him, "Please tell me Your name." But He answered, "Why do you ask My name?" And He blessed him there. 30 Jacob then named the place Peniel, "For," [he said,] "I have seen G-d face to face, and I have been delivered and you too will be delivered and have a stronger testamony.
"The L-rd bless you and keep you; The L-rd make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The L-rd lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." 'Now may the G-d of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
One in Him who Loves you,
Rachel
