SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   crazy4boys
   Member

   My husband and I are on a mission to clean, organize and purge our home.  We are trying to see what are needs vs. wants and get rid of more of the wants.  We spend a lot of our time arguing with the kids about cleaning, threatening them about cleaning, yelling at them about not cleaning, and listening to them whine about having to clean or not being able to find something.  

   We recently had them box up about 3/4 of their toys to store in the garage and life has been so much more simple and peaceful.  I want that all the time.  We are now deep cleaning room by room and trying to make sure everything has a place and to get rid of more.

   Problem - the boys (ages 9, 9, 6 and 3) are extremely attached to their stuff.  When I asked them to choose 2 stuffed animals each, and we'd donate the rest they started screaming, crying, threatening, sobbing.  "We're in shock.  We love these.  We promise to clean all day every day.  We'll play with them all the time."  so on and so forth.  These are toys they truly have not touched in MONTHS.

   So, how do I help them give willingly?  We had the helping someone else talk, the look how much more peaceful our home is talk, the I don't want to spend all my time cleaning talk, they don't care.  They want their stuff.

   I had thought about rotating the stuff from the garage and every time fewer things would appear until it's where I want, but that seems like it will take forever to get where I want us to be.  And it not helping them learn to control needs vs. wants.

   We are a military family and have moved 8 times in 8 years.  I'm not sure if that has made them extra attached.

   Any thoughts?  Grand advice?  Any one want to come throw it all away for me so your the bad guy and I'm not?

   Thanks - Heather

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
2. 

   Sharity
   Member

   Okay, we will swap - you come to my house and I'll come to yours!  :-) 

    

   Blessings!

   Sharity

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
3. 

   Sharity
   Member

   I meant that so you can be the bad guy for me and I'll be the bad guy for you! 

   Anyway, I forgot to add that we go through the same thing here.  I usually end up having to through their rooms about 2 or 3 times a year.  I'm hoping someone has some really good advice!

   Sharity

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
4. 

   my3boys
   Member

   Just my 2 cents.

   We are by no means perfect at this, although I would say that before boy #3 I was much more on top of things:)  So, this is what I *try* to do:  I use the Flylady method and one of the *decluttering techniques* is called a *27 Fling Boogie*.  What you do is grab 2 plastic/paper bags and go around your house and gather 27 items to throw away and 27 items to give away.  Do that a couple of times a week and the clutter is more manageable.  I try not to overthink any of it and just try to hit the target number 27.  As soon as  I hit the number 1 bag goes in to the garbage (outside) and the other goes in the back of the car for the Goodwill. This is a technique for me that doesn't need any prep time and any time I want to to one I can.  It also gives me the permission to stop when I've reached the goal, I tend enjoying purging and cleaning and have a hard time giving myself a break to just *be*.  I also do the *Clean Car Boogie and Clean Purse Boogie*.  I always feel better when I've done it and life is so much more peaceful with less stuff and a clean car/purse:)

   Now, when it comes to the boys I encourage them to be a part of it and count out the items to give away, they actually have fun doing it.  I have one boy who is extremely attached to his *stuff* and even he will do it at about 1x a month.  I also let them know that I am doing it too and sometimes will *add* my stuff to their's so it doesn't seem so overwhelming or unfair:)

   I will say that too much stuff makes me nervous/irritable so I could live with far less than my family,  but at the same time I don't want to be a nag and make my kids feel as if their items (which may have meaning to them) are not meaningful.  So we talk about having things, etc., but that too much isn't really enjoyable when it takes too much time/effort to maintain/clean/organize/dust the items:)  There has to be some balance and willingness to see that too much or too little is not healthy.  Hope that makes sense.  Blessings to you and your family:)

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
5. 

   my3boys
   Member

   P.S.  My middle boy that is attached to his stuff has only lived in one house his whole entire 7 years.  So your kids may feel that way because of the moving or it could just be their personalities. 

   My oldest and youngest aren't nearly attached, they're more like I am.  

    

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
6. 

   Iamasahm
   Member

   ok.. so if you asked my friends they would tell you I'm way to neat.. and I am!!  But I'm ok with that.  So here is how I keep my house under control.

   We have a closet under our stairs that is there toy closet.  We have one book shelf and one of those little kid 3 tier bucket containers and one train table with the 6 buckets under it.  If it doesn't fit on one of these things neatly, or on top of your dresser then something has to go.  We don't hid things in closets, under beds etc.  We have 6 children.  The only exception to this is they have about 3 lego Star Wars ships that they don't take apart and we have to keep away from my 2 littest ones so they are inside a dresser.

   This for me has always been so it's just the way it is.  Now as far as how you can regain control.  I would tell them they can each have "x" amount of things.  The rest has to go.  I know being the bad mom isn't easy or nice, but now is the time.  Spring has sprung have them do it when it's for sure going to be nice for 3-4 days in a row.  After you clean, get it to the trash/goodwill then get outside.  They will soon forget.

   Also, with my above "toy" locations.. when birthdays, Christmas, any time grandparents want to give my kids something (especially those useless things) we always give lots of suggestions of things to get, if they come with stuff from the $$ store (ahh i hate that LOL) they play with it and either something else goes or it goes.  They just know we have 8 people in our home we can't all just keep everything.  I also display this in my own things.  What I buy and why I buy it.

   I have to say.. my dh is not totally like this and he would keep a lot of things if I wasn't here to help him de-clutter so I have to be careful. 

   You also have to understand I come from a mom who's life is nuts, full of "stuff" and our home was always a terrible mess.  I could never find anything, it was a nightmare.  So I am the other way.  My dh keeps me balanced and I try hard to understand and for us it has worked.  Now I look at what I wrote and feel like I rambled on and on.. so sorry.  Hope you get something from this.. LOL  Misty

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
7. 

   momto2blessings
   Member

   Great ideas here!  I love the 27 fling boogie idea!  Misty, I wish I had your de-cluttering discipline:) My kids don't like to part with stuff either when we try to do it together, and I feel bad deciding on my own when they ask about it later.  My sister-in-law just shared that when her grown daughter was younger she would gather stuff in a garbage bag (when daughter was occupied elsewhere) and keep it in her (mom's) closet for a month or so.  If her daughter asked for something, she could go get it. If not, she got rid of it.  Just another possible idea:)  Gina

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
8. 

   csmamma
   Member

   We love flylady methods too. Another one is when the kids (or you) bring something new into the house, with the same box or bag it came in, put something to go into it. Basic principle, don't let anything come into your house without taking something out - that way the 'mysterious clutter' won't build.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
9. 

   mrsjamiesouth
   Member

   We just cleaned house.  I gave them each a tub and told them they could keep whatever they could fit in the tub and everything else goes.  I let them also keep 3 stuffed animals each.  At any complaint I told them either they could choose or I would.  Once I started throwing things away they quit crying and quickly picked what they wanted. I also talked to them about children who don't have all these things and how we could donate to a shelter or Salvation Army.  That kids who don't have any toys at all, no stuffed animals, not even a blanket ; could be  blessed by thier generosity.  We all went down together to a local shelter and dropped the stuff off.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
10. 

    my3boys
    Member

    Sometimes we do add in the ol' "Gotta get rid of some stuff before Birthdays, Christmas, etc. or we can't keep the new stuff" or before something new comes in they agree to get rid of something and I usually hold them to it. 

    Clutter really stresses me and I can always feel the benefits of a de-cluttering and sometimes remind my kids that it will make for a happier momma if we all get rid of stuff on a regular basis.

    I used to be so much better about it before we started homeschooling.  I began the Flylady method about 6 years ago and it was like a miracle.  I had always been a fairly organized person, but that method just brought it to a whole new level.  It felt like I never really had to *clean* my house, it just always stayed picked up and was more manageable.   And, it didn't really feel like anymore work than I was already doing, actually less.  Needless to say, we are getting back to what I know works for us and can already see the results:)

    Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
11. 

    LindseyD.
    Member

    Sometimes (when the going gets tough), I just wait until they're outside playing or out with Daddy, and I do the purging myself. Every once in a while they'll ask where such-and-such is, and I'll just tell them very non-chalantly, "Oh, Mommy had to give it away because we were running out of room." Sometimes that's enough of an explanation; sometimes it's not.

    Either way, I'm not the kind of person to get attached to stuff, and I am trying to teach them to be that way too. Our house is way too small, there are way to many children in this world with nothing, and as long as I'm the chief cook and bottle washer, we're going to have a de-cluttered and organized house.

    Posted 1 year ago # Report Post

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