SCM Discussion Forum

1. 

   amandajhilburn
   Member

   I know this subject will have many different opinions but....I am trying to get  firm grasp on this issue before my now 9 year old daughter gets any older.

   I know that the Bible says that inner beauty is of more value to God than physical beauty. My questions come when I look at the world around me (mainly in media) and see all the worldliness which includes a constant push for girls and women to be beautiful, attractive, sexy, etc. I don't like it one bit. However, there seems to be something inside each of us that is a natural desire to be pretty and like pretty things like flowers, pretty dresses, etc. I know there is a big difference in being pretty and being trashy. I don't want to look trashy and I do not intend to let my daughter either....but what about earrings, make up, nail polish, etc. Things that are a cultural "norm" but are not necessarily gaudy or revealing in any way. Where do you draw the line? Can you back it up with scripture?

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
2. 

   missingtheshire
   Member

   My daughters who are now 18 have always been on the conservative side and I think that is because that is how I am.  I have never been particularly interested in clothes though I do like make up in moderation.  I have also encouraged the girls to look smart, clean and well turned out, with neat hair etc, and I have always taught them to value who they are, and not be slaves to fashion which is often a five minute fad.  I have been lucky, they are naturally modest, and even at 18 one does not wear any makeup and the other just a hint of eye shadow and a little lip gloss - that is it.  They love flowers and pretty things and do like to smell nice with a light perfume, but that is about it.  I think it helped that I was pretty casual about things and did not follow fashion, and also that TV has always been limited in our home.  It is very hard these days, but I think girls can look lovely without the latest fashions and without makeup.  I am gratefull that my girls are this way - and have never wanted it any other way.  You may find yours are the same.

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
3. 

   Rebekahy
   Member

   That's a great question - I'm hoping we get some more Titus II type answers!  Right now I'm struggling to answer to my four year old  daughter why it's appropriate for ME to wear makeup to church, but it's inappropriate for them to.  My girls have grandmothers that supply them with lots and lots of beautiful clothes, some which need to be modified to be modest enough to fit our family's standards and that doesn't seem to be an issue, but the makeup issue is something that comes up from time to time.  I don't wear a lot of makeup, but I do try to hide some dark circles and add a little color to my cheeks etc..., I certainly do not complain or fret about my appearance, but I wonder if I'm teaching them that they are beautiful the way God made them, but mommy on the other hand - needs to help God out a bit with the mess He's allowed me to become!    My husband does not object to me wearing makeup and of course I want to look nice for him, but on the other hand I'm not sure he would really notice if I didn't wear makeup either (he certainly never seems to notice when I have lipstick on my teeth or mascara smudged under my eye).  Since my husband doesn't seem to be sensitive to those things perhaps the makeup is for my own vanity.

   well, like I said - definitely looking forward to more Godly wisdom on this issue!

   Rebekah

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
4. 

   missingtheshire
   Member

   When the girls were about 13 they wanted to look in my makeup bag and I showed it to them, and I let them play with some of the items by putting it on me.  I wear a little eye shadow and blusher with mascara - I don't often wear foundation and I never wear lipstick as I don't like it.  I have a touch of rosacea, so I use the foundation occasionally to tone it down if I am going out.  I explained to the girls that a little make up is ok when you are older but it is never tasteful or nice to go out caked in makeup.  I also taught them from a young age all about cleansing the skin properly and how that was vitally important.  I don't believe that teaching things goes against God's Word, I think it is important to teach cleanliness and also moderation in the things we do.  I noticed that after they had played with it a couple of times they lost interest and it was only last year when we were going to a very special function, that my one daughter asked if she could wear a little eye shadow and lip gloss, of course I said yes - it was so subtle and she was really pleased.  I think we do wear make up for ourselves, again I don't see anything wrong in it, if it is tasteful and minimal - I don't know what to suggest for your little girl, I never experienced that problem, but I am sure others would have ideas.  Linda

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
5. 

   6boys1girl
   Member

   Rebekah, I don't have older girls yet but I would think that you could just approach it from the "when you get older" perspective. Just like we won't let them do certain things or read certain books or whatever, they can't wear makeup until they are older either. That seems the simplest way to deal with that aspect of it.

   I'm hoping for some other insight on this one too. My little girl (age 3) is VERY interested in all things "girly"-nail polish, makeup, etc. I don't wear much make up-mostly just on dates with my DH because he likes it. But she is super drawn to all that. It would be nice to be prepared as she does get older.

   -Rebecca

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
6. 

   Iamasahm
   Member

   Great post Amanda.. I have an issue with what my mom buys my 16month (yes month) old to wear.  It is strappy, hangs low in the arms, and chest and I have to send it back.  She always complains that I wore those things... ahhhhh.

   I have altered some items to make them fit nicer and I do think about the future of my little girl.  I want her to know about modesty.  So you know what I have been doing now that my 11 yr old is more noticing of those things.  We talk about what a girl should be wearing and I'm setting a building block you could say of what I want my boys to be looking for and in return I think it will help my Fallon (her name) know what is and isn't acceptable.

   Also, our choice of friends who we are with is important.  My friends daughters are conservitive and modest.  So I know that they will not be making it harder only easier.  With make-up : I do wear it and I think nicely.  A little light colored shadow (I don't like mascara so 90%of the time I don't have it) a little blush (a light mauve color) and if I have dry lips a bit of light gloss.  Now that said I only wear it when we are going out.  Not on a daily bases and not to just run to the grocery store.  I have a bad habit of biting my nails  so they never look nice.  But that said I figure for me if my daughter wants to wear some nice soft pink colors why not? 

   I think you just have to find the balance that works for you.  Figure it out now and then stick to it.  Find out what your dh thinks.  What does he want other young boys/men to see when they look at your daughters?  I think being pretty on the outside and inside is doable and an option if you find that balance. 

   Just my 2 cents.  Misty

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
7. 

   anabetica
   Member

   I have a 14 yr old daughter and thankfully she is not obsessed wiith fashion or makeup.  I have tried to teach her to fix her hair and wear neat clothes and have bought her some light shades of nail polish and lipgloss.  Sometimes we have a "girl day" where we watch a "girl movie"  (last one was Kit Kittredge) and we do our toenails. 

   I do wear makeup. I seek to make it look natural but I do have a spider vein on my face and dark circles so it really helps.  A farmer once told me "If the barn needs paintin' you don't sit there and question it, you paint the barn".  That really helped me when contemplating the use of makeup.  Some ladies really don't need it, but it does help me.  When we first started homeschooling, my dh was worried that I'd become frumpy because we saw alot of examples of that.  I even have a family member that does not dress feminine or wear makeup tell me that it was vanity to even attempt to look nice.  My grandmother was a very lady-like lady and she taught me to wear a little makeup (once I turned 16) and to wear a tiny bit of perfume. My husband tells me almost daily that he really appreciates me taking care of myself and trying to look nice even when I'm tired. 

   With my daughters, I stress modesty and looking feminine in whatever they wear.  There is always something we can do to look more feminine.  I have not stressed makeup.  I just tell them to enjoy these wonderful years of girlhood when you don't really need it.  The time will come to when the circles around the eyes start to show more and a little concealor will do wonders. 

   Now my 6 yr old I think will be more of a challenge.  She's already asking to wear makeup.  That's almost comical.  But she has a different bent than my older daughter.  I am praying already for wisdom and grace.  But I think the example of her older sister and hopefully of me will go a long way. 

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post
8. 

   amandajhilburn
   Member

   Thanks for all the responses so far. They have all been helpful! Keep it comin' :)

   Posted 1 year ago # Report Post

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